Deciding on a snack is hard, and I have one that I can always go for in any mood; but there’s a reason for that.
When I turned 30, I tried to quit drinking and made it into the clear… at least I thought I did. I was sober for 7 months. But, you know, if you quit something without purpose, you are bound to do it again (it’s called a relapse). So, I started drinking again.
Yet, during those halcyon days, I found the lack of alcohol in my system was replaced with a need for Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. Specifically, a fancy little number called Phish Food, which was named after the monumental jam band Phish. Think of it as a chocolate, caramel, marshmallow mixture with little chunks of pieces of candy inside to give it a little extra emphasis. I’ve never been a huge ice cream fan, but the delicate balance of sweets in each pint makes me want to sell it for a living. I also think it being connected to the band Phish gave it a uniquely pleasant quality that reminded me of something good and pure during a time when I felt very uncertain.
I had yet to truly awaken a full-on mental health crisis, but that would come later after a lot more pints and a long jaunt back into the bottle. I suppose even as I nibbled on the ice cream from each pint, I could sense something was off, but the goal was to get off alcohol at that point, so all the other hidden stuff had yet to manifest properly.
As of right now, I’ve been sober for two months (61 days) and haven’t fallen back into the ice cream trap. Mostly this is due to a new mindset and having a beneficial support group. There’s no way I could do it on my own, and that’s okay; and it also turns out that talking to people who have had similar experiences is a boon to life and spirit. There isn’t a better salve for not wanting to go back to something if somebody shares a terrible story of what it’s like to be under the influence.
Nevertheless, I could really go for some Phish Food right now, and I would do it in the name of celebration.
