Essay: Keeping Traditions through Trauma

Daily writing prompt

What traditions have you not kept that your parents had?

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When asked about traditions, I immediately think about my father. He would listen to Bing Crosby on Christmas morning after my siblings and I had helped him with his small business chores at 5 a.m. Of course, Christmas day in my memories are always a blisteringly cold morning, shivering against the cold as we sat in the living room on our own respective blankets waiting for presents.

Immediately after that thought of tradition, I came up with easiest answer to today’s prompt: trauma. I mean, I think we all have our own share of it. We all feel as though we have pain deep down that comes out in such weird, erratic ways.

Cashier: “Sir, do you want your change?”

Me: “Why don’t you lose that tone?”

In my parents’ time, you just didn’t talk about trauma. I think that’s where the expression “grin and bear it” came from. Maybe not, but it seems fitting. Aggressive physical and emotional abuse typically resulted in a lot of silence (as it did in my childhood home), and the feelings, emotions, and fear after the fact just sat there like so much cement. Staring straight ahead at nothing as the silence filled the void where laughter used to be only a short moments earlier was fairly common, as was moving on as though nothing happened.

Yet, trauma is far from being a quiet notion these days; and what a boon that has been! When I needed help, I had many people to care for me and help me out even when I didn’t know what to do or how to make sense of my mental break–which is so much better than having to quietly bare such stress and oppression.

I don’t want to get too dark, but those moments where you quell emotions and feelings often result in violence to oneself or to those around you. It could be as little as an argument with your children or spouse, or something far more serious. With that, I feel great pride in trying to recognize my faults and where those faults come from, so that I don’t pass them down to my children.

Of course, trauma is unavoidable, so there is no perfection, but mitigation is key, and lessening trauma is far more important than not doing anything about it. Certainly, it’s not something I hope my children inherit.